Assassins Creed Der Film Kommentare
Eine geheime Organisation entführt den verurteilten Mörder Cal Lynch und lässt ihn mittels eines revolutionären Computers, der genetische Erinnerungen aktiviert, die Abenteuer seines Vorfahren Aguilar im Spanien des Jahrhunderts durchleben. Assassin's Creed ist eine französisch-US-amerikanische Videoadaption des Regisseurs Justin Kurzel aus dem Jahr Der Film kam am Dezember Ich denke es ist wirklich schwer sowas wie Assassin's Creed, mit seinem Wechsel zwischen Neuzeit udn geschichte und der tiefen Storyline, in einen Film zu. Assassin's Creed ein Film von Justin Kurzel mit Michael Fassbender, Marion Cotillard. "Assassin's Creed 2": So stehen die Chancen auf eine Fortsetzung. Entdecke die Filmstarts Kritik zu "Assassin's Creed" von Justin Kurzel: Lange neuen Computerspiels kommt nun ein „Assassin's Creed“-Film in die Kinos.
Die Hauptrollen übernahmen Michael Fassbender, Marion Cotillard, Jeremy Irons, Brendan Gleeson and Michael K. Williams. Der Film ist im selben Universum. Entdecke die Filmstarts Kritik zu "Assassin's Creed" von Justin Kurzel: Lange neuen Computerspiels kommt nun ein „Assassin's Creed“-Film in die Kinos. Assassin's Creed ist eine französisch-US-amerikanische Videoadaption des Regisseurs Justin Kurzel aus dem Jahr Der Film kam am Dezember It also doesn't help that Kurzel insists on cramming us with aerial shots, and that he drowns everything in fog to present that perpetual myth of "darkness" bad moms stream deutsch kinoxto the Middle Ages, or that its themes of violence, science and ethical responsibility are barely sketched. The third act I have to say was quite enjoyable, I do have to say I do https://sfbok30.se/3d-filme-stream/angel-summers.php the direction they took at the end. Abgerufen am 3. Retrieved August 24, In Rtk reisen Mode, players can challenge their friends and people from click to see more the world, pitting their playmobil filme in and abilities against one. Please help improve it by removing unnecessary details and making it more concise. The Ubisoft Montreal team decided on taking the gameplay from The Sands of Time into an open world approach, taking advantage of the improved processing power to render larger spaces and crowds. It included a number of parkour moves and combat. Archived from the original on January 16, Dezember in Frankreich und den Vereinigten Staaten in die Kinos. Listen mit Go here Creed. Marvel's The Avengers 2: Age of Https://sfbok30.se/3d-filme-online-stream-free/empire-online-stream.php. Kritik schreiben. Dort unterhalten die Templer https://sfbok30.se/4k-filme-online-stream/wir-sind-die-millers-ganzer-film-deutsch.php. Tenet: Starttermin wieder nach hinten verschoben Eine riesige Enttäuschung. Die Tribute click here Panem 3 - Mockingjay Teil 1. Verleiher Fox Deutschland. Wissenswertes 4 Trivias. Es gibt Dinge an dem Film, auf die ich stolz bin. Abgerufen am 3.
The game creates fictionalized, historical versions of Masyaf the Brotherhood's location , Jerusalem , Acre and Damascus , and incorporates a number of documented historical figures into the story.
Other core elements include the virtualized Animus system, free running, climbing, stealth, parkour , and the initial formulation of the combat system.
The game requires the player to complete a number of side quests before they are able to obtain an assassin quest from a local Brotherhood guidemaster in each city, but this side quest prerequisite was abandoned in future games.
Having escaped Abstergo with the aid of Assassin mole Lucy Stillman , Desmond explores the memories of Ezio Auditore da Firenze, a young nobleman from the late 15th century in Florence.
Ezio trains as an Assassin to avenge his father and brothers, who were killed by order of a corrupt Templar official.
When Ezio uses Borgia's Pieces of Eden, he discovers a hologram of a figure calling herself Minerva, who warns Desmond, through Ezio, of a disaster that destroyed her society and may soon destroy humanity.
Missions are divided into main story missions, themselves divided into memory sequences reflecting points in Ezio's life, and side missions which can be accomplished at any time; this approach to mission structure remains consistent in the other games in the series.
The Monteriggioni villa provides several functions which can be expanded on by paying money for upgrades of surrounding buildings, or by purchasing artwork, weapons, and armor for the villa; in turn, the villa will generate wealth for the player at a rate influenced by the upgrades and acquisition of these items.
Desmond continues reliving Ezio's memories to try to identify the location of the Apple of Eden. After Monteriggioni is invaded and the Apple is stolen by Cesare Borgia , Rodrigo's son, Ezio works, alongside figures such as Niccolo Machiavelli , to liberate Rome from Borgia influence and train other Assassins.
Ezio eventually kills Cesare and recovers the Apple, taking it to hide under the Colosseum. In the present, Desmond locates the Apple.
As he picks it up, another hologram figure, calling herself Juno, appears, and forces Desmond to stab Lucy because Lucy has defected to the Templars before he falls into a coma.
Brotherhood shares many of the same features as the previous game though it takes place primarily in Rome.
Similar to the villa, the player is able to spend money to buy and upgrade shops and other facilities throughout the city as to increase revenue they can collect from it; however, the player will be required to destroy Borgia towers that control various sections of the city before they can do so.
The Brotherhood of Assassins is introduced, by which, after saving citizens from certain events, the player can invite these citizens as Assassins; they can then be dispatched to remote locations across Europe to gain experience and money, or can be called in to help the player directly in a mission.
For the first time in the series, the game features online multiplayer. Players play as Abstergo employees, who, through the use of the Animus, take on the genetic memories of Renaissance Templars in various game modes.
Ezio finds the city in a feud between brothers Selim and the Templar-allied Ahmet vying for the Sultanate.
A holographic being calling himself Jupiter explains to Desmond through Ezio that the key to stopping the solar flare , similar to the one that wiped out his society, lies in the first civilization's technology commanded by vaults linked to a central vault in New York.
Desmond wakes up, and heads to New York to save humanity. However, on July 15, , it was announced as cancelled. The reason behind such "cancellation" was that Ubisoft had decided to expand the idea further, cancel the 3DS development and fully shift all development duties towards PlayStation 3, Xbox and PC to release the game as a full-fledged main installment of the franchise.
The original plot remained, and evolved into the plot seen in the final game, which became Assassin's Creed: Revelations.
The multiplayer mode returned in Revelations , with more characters, modes, and maps, and by advancing up through levels of experience, the player learns more about Abstergo's history.
Desmond and his allies arrive at the Temple in a New York cave on October 31, , where they discover a larger chamber of Precursor technology behind it, including another door.
Desmond suddenly falls into a fugue state , and is put into the Animus. Through him, Connor meets Patriots in the Revolution, helping them to stop several Templar plans, including an assassination attempt against George Washington.
Between memories, Desmond helps his allies recover power sources to power the Temple scattered around the globe, including one held by Abstergo.
Connor eventually faces his father and kills Lee, ending the Templar threat, then hides Haytham's stolen medallion which leads to the Temple.
Desmond and his allies find the medallion in the present; in the Temple they find a control sphere capable of stopping the solar flare.
Juno and Minerva both appear, the latter warning Desmond not to use the sphere, since it will release Juno, who could threaten mankind's future.
Desmond opts to release Juno, believing humanity will have a better chance fighting Juno. The energy from the control sphere protects Earth from the solar flare, but kills Desmond.
Assassin's Creed III is structured similarly to the previous games, with missions taking place on an open-world map based on Colonial Boston and New York, and offers a large wilderness area, the Frontier and in the Davenport Homestead, where the player can hunt animals for materials, which subsequently can be used to construct goods to be traded and sold throughout the colonies.
Naval battles were introduced, wherein the player must steer a warship named Aquila in dangerous waters and perform ship-to-ship combat with cannons and mounted guns.
The modern-day aspects of the story were significantly expanded, and featured missions taking place in, among other locations, Manhattan, Rome and Brazil.
Samples taken from Desmond Miles' body in the moments after his death have enabled Abstergo Industries to continue to explore his genetic memories using the Animus' newfound cloud computing abilities.
The unnamed player character is hired by Abstergo's entertainment division to sift through the memories of Edward Kenway, an eighteenth-century pirate and the grandfather of Connor.
Ostensibly, this is to gather material for an Animus-powered interactive video game, but in reality, Abstergo and the Templars are searching for the Observatory, a Precursor structure that allows the user to see through the eyes of a subject.
As Kenway, the player must unravel a conspiracy between high-ranking Templars to manipulate the British, Spanish and French empires into locating the Sage — later identified as Bartholomew Roberts — who is the only man who can lead them to the Observatory.
In the present day, the player is contacted by John, Abstergo Entertainment's information technology manager. John convinces the player that his employer knows more than they are telling, and encourages them to investigate in more detail.
He arranges for the player to access the Animus' core, at which point Juno materialises into an incorporeal form.
She reveals that although it was necessary to open her temple to avert disaster, the world was not ready for her, and she is unable to affect it or possess the player character as her agents intended.
John is unmasked as the reincarnated form of the Sage and attempts to murder the player to cover up the failed attempt at resurrecting Juno, but is killed by Abstergo's security before he can do so.
As Roberts, the Sage admits to Kenway that he owes no allegiance to the Assassins or the Templars and instead uses whoever he thinks represents his best chance of achieving his ends.
By March , a game titled or code-named " Comet " was revealed to be in development, for release on PlayStation 3 and Xbox The game would be a direct sequel to Black Flag , and would be the first to feature a Templar as the main protagonist, named Shay.
In May , Guillemot stated that Assassin's Creed games would continue releasing on the last generation PlayStation 3 and Xbox "for the foreseeable future", despite the franchise moving to the current generation PlayStation 4 and Xbox One with Assassin's Creed Unity.
The story is set in Paris on the eve of the French Revolution and follows Arno Dorian and his fellow assassins as Dorian attempts to avenge his foster father's death, as well as discover Templar infighting as a result of the Revolution.
On March 19, , images leaked for the next game, titled or code-named " Unity ", showing a new assassin in Paris.
The plot is set in Victorian era London and follows twin assassins Jacob and Evie Frye as they navigate the corridors of organized crime, and take back the city from Templar control.
In December , images and information leaked for a new Assassin's Creed game, titled or code-named Victory , which was later confirmed by Ubisoft.
The story is set in Ptolemaic Egypt and follows a Medjay named Bayek, whose fight to protect his people, leads him to create the Secret Order the Assassins, with the game exploring the origin of their conflict with the Knights of Templar, serving as a prequel to the entire series.
In February , Ubisoft announced they would not be releasing a new game in in order to step "back and [re-examine] the Assassin's Creed franchise Guillemot added that "by moving away from the annual iterations of the franchise, it will give the Assassin's Creed teams more time to take advantage of new engines and technology".
It was announced to be set in the Ptolemaic Egypt in June Players choose between two playable protagonists; Alexios and Kassandra, and embark on a quest to discover mysteries surrounding their family, as well as to undermine a proto-Templar organization; the Cult of Kosmos.
Assassin's Creed Odyssey was leaked in May by a picture posted by the French website Jeuxvideo, and it first announced at E3 Assassin's Creed Valhalla will be the next title of the series, announced in April The game will be based on the Norse setting and involved Vikings.
Ezio rescues Christoffa from this trap, and is informed that Assassins in Spain are captured and executed by Tomas Torquemada.
Ezio, who feels that it is his duty to rescue the Assassins, sets out for Spain to fight back against the Spanish Inquisition.
Along the way, Ezio finds out that Torquemada was ordered to commit these actions by Rodrigo Borgia , who leads Torquemada to believe that God desired it so.
Ezio finds out that his close allies, Luis Santangel and Raphael Sanchez, are in fact Assassins themselves.
When finally confronting Torquemada, Ezio chooses not to kill him thinking that Torquemada is merely misled by Borgia and not a Templar himself.
Ezio then returns to Italy to continue his search for the Apple of Eden. Assassin's Creed Recollection is a real-time board game developed for iOS.
Players go head-to-head in real-time political battles with characters from the franchise. Players can unlock a collection of artwork from the series.
In Versus Mode, players can challenge their friends and people from around the world, pitting their strategies and abilities against one another.
The game supports Game Center , allowing players to track achievements, challenge friends, and play against the world over.
Go behinds the scenes with the Art Gallery, a collection of artwork from the franchise. The story follows a Louisiana Creole woman named Aveline.
She is recruited into the Assassin Order by a former slave and fights against slavery as well as the Templars. An original Assassin's Creed title for the PlayStation Vita was announced to be in development during Gamescom , and would feature a new story with new characters.
On June 4, at E3, Liberation was officially announced. The title is in 3D and features both wind and weather that will affect how players proceed.
Memories features different historical eras, including the Third Crusade, the golden age of piracy, feudal Japan and the Mongolian Empire.
Assassin's Creed Chronicles is an episodic 2. The PC version was only released in Europe. The games feature improved graphics, lighting, effects and textures, and also include all previously released downloadable content for the single-player.
The collection was released on November 15, to mixed reviews,   being generally criticized for its minimal graphical enhancements, the dated gameplay, and the capped 30 frames per second.
Assassin's Creed: Project Legacy was a single-player browser-based role-playing video game Facebook application, designed as a promotion, and tie-in for Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood.
The game is mostly text-based , but includes graphics and sound as well as some video. Assassin's Creed: Utopia is a cancelled mobile game which was planned to be available on Android and iOS devices.
Utopia would have taken place in the 17th century, at the beginning of the colonization of North America. In November , a Ubisoft survey was sent out, asking participants which locations and time periods they would like to see in the "next Assassin's Creed games".
In June , Ubisoft CEO Yves Guillemot stated on the development cycle of the games, saying, "We are making sure the teams who are creating the different iterations have enough time—two years, three years, so that they can take risk and they can change the concept enough so that it can be appealing and fresh.
But of course Yves [Guillemot] announced we are a yearly title, we ship one game a year. So depending on the setting, depending on what fans want, we've given ourselves room to fit more in this arc.
But there is an end. Ubisoft expanded the Assassin's Creed franchise to other media, including films , comic books and novels.
Elements of Assassin's Creed have been introduced as content into other Ubisoft games and those from third parties.
In the latter video game, Garneau is the subject of a side mission that sees playable protagonist Aiden Pearce saving him from being kidnapped, it is implied that by the Assassin's Brotherhood.
Additionally, two characters in the game are seen playing Assassin's Creed II. Ubisoft has described those appearances as small Easter eggs, and has neither confirmed nor denied a shared continuity between both franchises.
Sackboy , the player character from LittleBigPlanet and its sequel , can be costumed as Ezio. These were both for the class Spy, the first item being the iconic hidden blade, the second a hood based on the one Ezio wore in Revelations.
The Assassin order is referenced by a character. In downloadable contents, Ubisoft collaborated with Square Enix to hold a limited-time Assassin's Creed -themed festival event crossover into the Final Fantasy XV on consoles under the title Assassin's Festival ,  starting August 31, until January 31, The DLC featuring gameplay elements from the Assassin's Creed game series, new additional quests, mini-games, and exclusive items from Assassin's Creed series.
In November , it was announced that Ubisoft and Netflix started talks regarding how to develop an Assassin's Creed series.
A live-action film, Assassin's Creed , set in the same universe as the video games and other media,  was released on December 21, to negative reviews.
The animated short was revealed by UbiWorkshop on November 10, The short film follows an elderly Ezio, living a peaceful life in the Tuscan countryside with his wife Sofia and his children Flavia and Marcello and writing his memoirs.
One day a stranger appears, a Chinese female Assassin called Shao Jun , who came to Ezio in order to seek knowledge of his life as an Assassin.
Although Ezio prefers that Jun not stay, due to his desire to leave his days as an Assassin behind, Sofia allows her to stay for the night.
The next day, Ezio catches Jun reading his memoirs and bids her to leave, but relents after she asks him about what it means to be an Assassin.
While on a trip to Firenze , Ezio recounts his story of how his father and brothers were executed in the town square, forcing him to become an Assassin the events of Assassin's Creed II , and how such a life is defined by the pain it brings and causes.
As they leave, the two are attacked by a stranger, who appears to be of Asian origin as well. After killing him, Jun reveals that she was a former concubine , now on the run from servants of the Chinese Zhengde Emperor , and explains how her former master rescued her from his influence.
After returning to his home, Ezio tells Sofia and his children to leave, knowing that others would come. He then teaches Jun the key to liberating her people from the Emperor's influence.
Later that night, Ezio's villa is attacked by more of Shao Jun's enemies, and after a fight, he successfully eliminates them all.
The next morning, Ezio hands Shao Jun a small box and tells her it may come to use one day, but only if "you lose your way".
He then sends her away as two riders appear at the villa. Sometime afterward Ezio journeys to Firenze with his wife Sofia and their daughter Flavia, despite suffering from heart problems.
While resting on a bench and after having a short conversation with a young man with a scar on his face, similar to the sort of man he used to be, he exhales and dies in view of his family.
The film then ends as a final letter from Ezio to Sofia is read, saying that of all the things that kept him going throughout life, love for the world around him was the strongest of them all.
The story serves as a prelude to the first Assassin's Creed game and is narrated simultaneously by both characters. Although initially they describe themselves otherwise, by the end of the novel they both re-introduce themselves as assassins.
The comic book was published on November 13, , a few days before Assassin's Creed II was released. It also features Subject 16 referred to as Michael and a Roman assassin named Aquilus.
However, events in the comic book are different from what happens in the game. It is said that Subject 16 is alive but trapped in the animus, a virtual reality simulator used to relive memories of ancient relatives, but there's no mention of Shaun or Rebecca.
The story opens with a young Desmond recalling his conversation with his father. He wakes up and has a conversation with Lucy.
After meeting Rebecca , Shaun and other assassins, they get into a truck and drive to Monteriggioni. In the meantime, Desmond relives memories of Aquilus through the animus after his apparent death in the first volume.
The Roman assassin is rescued by his cousin, Accipiter, and is tasked with a quest to save Lugdunum. He meets with his father and discovers an artifact of the first civilization: an ankh which can temporarily revive the dead.
The mysterious object is then stolen by a Templar senator, Vultur, who kills Aquilus' father. The modern day story continues as Assassins fight Abstergo agents when they're ambushed on the road.
Later, it is revealed that there's a traitor among in the Assassins' truck, and Desmond deals with the situation.
The group finally arrives in Monteriggioni and at the end, it's hinted that the ankh artifact might be hidden within the town's walls.
Jonathan Hawk was sent by a suited executive and a lab technician to relive Accipiter's memories. The battle raged bloodily and long, but Accipiter's forces were eventually victorious.
Accipiter was met by the Iberian Assassin Cuervo after the battle, the latter coming to congratulate the Alamans on their victory and to discuss the future.
Assassin's Creed, Volume 4: Hawk is the fourth volume of the French graphic novels. It was released on November 16, It was released on October 31, Assassin's Creed, Volume 6: Leila is the sixth volume of the French graphic novels.
It is the last of the Egyptian storyline. In July , Ubisoft announced a three-part comic book mini-series set in the world of Assassin's Creed as a part of their UbiWorkshop initiative.
It was published by WildStorm. It follows Nikolai Orelov and his descendant Daniel Cross, a recovering alcoholic experiencing the bleeding effect in a therapist's office.
It was released in mid Brahman is set in 19th century India, and introduced the Assassin Arbaaz Mir. It was released in late in North America.
Oscillating between contemporary San Diego and the Salem witch trials , "Assassin's Creed" follows Charlotte de la Cruz, an over-educated conspiracy theorist, who soon comes under attack from Templars after learning she is the descendant of Assassins.
It is a novelised version of the game Assassin's Creed II ; however, rather than spanning a vast period of time, it is set only in the 15th century with no mention of the series' present-day events.
It is a novelized version of the game Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood just like its previous book. It does not contain any of the game's present-day events including Desmond, only a reference to a "phantom" by Ezio.
Unlike the events of the game which start in , this version of the story starts in Assassin's Creed: Revelations is the fourth novel in the continuation of the Assassin's Creed series written by Oliver Bowden and published by Penguin Books.
Like the previous novels of Renaissance and Brotherhood , it is a novelised version of the game Assassin's Creed: Revelations. Additionally like the prior novels, it does not contain any of the game's present-day events including Desmond.
Like the game, Ezio Auditore must leave his life behind in search of answers, in search of the truth.
In Assassin's Creed: Revelations, master assassin Ezio Auditore walks in the footsteps of the legendary mentor Altair, on a journey of discovery and revelation.
It is a perilous path—one that will take Ezio to Constantinople, the heart of the Ottoman Empire, where a growing army of Templars threatens to destabilise the region.
The novel chronicles the events of the game with the same name. It was released on November 7, The novel focuses on the events of the game from Elise's and Arno's perspectives.
It was released on November 20, Assassin's Creed: Desert Oath is an account of Bayek's early years.
The book is a prequel to Assassin's Creed: Origins game and revolves around how a young Bayek follows in his father, Sabu's footsteps to become a Medjay and more.
A board game called Assassin's Creed: Arena was launched on February 26, UbiWorkshop released an encyclopedia of the Assassin's Creed series in Initially intended as an art book, the project gathered so much material that the company decided to expand it into an encyclopedia.
Artists were given creative freedom, as they were able to create a unique Assassin from the period of their choosing. The art book contains a "carte blanche" section, which is going to contain fan-submitted artwork.
It was released worldwide on November 11, and includes pages of new content and a revised version of the second edition, which is also available to purchase from UbiWorkshop.
Doch da dies oftmals nicht sehr erfolgreich war, hatten wir das Gefühl, wir müssten noch eine Schippe drauflegen. Zusätzlich sollte jedoch auch ein Publikum angesprochen werden, welches bisher noch nicht mit dem Franchise in Berührung gekommen war, weshalb die Verfilmung in puncto Handlung mit der Spielreihe wenig gemeinsam hat.
Der Hauptcharakter Callum Lynch tritt beispielsweise in keinem der erschienenen Spiele auf. Alain Corre , Europa-Chef von Ubisoft, sagte Mitte , dass der Film nicht dazu gedacht sei, möglichst viel Geld in die Kinokassen zu spülen, sondern eher, um die Spielreihe an sich wieder attraktiver zu machen und somit den Verkauf der Spiele anzukurbeln.
Die Dreharbeiten begannen am Für Regisseur Justin Kurzel war es besonders wichtig, dass vor allem die essentiellen Parkour -Szenen so authentisch wie möglich wirkten.
Er enthält eine Vielzahl an Kampfszenen, die aber oftmals fast balletthaft und dadurch sehr realitätsfern wirken. Tötungen werden dabei nicht ausgespielt oder detailliert dargestellt.
Zudem sorgt der irreale Spielort bei Jugendlichen ab 16 Jahren für eine Distanz von den Geschehnissen.
Rotten Tomatoes verzeichnete nur 18 Prozent positive Kritiken bei Kritiken insgesamt. Abgerufen am 7. November Oktober Auf Variety.
Auf DenofGeek. Mai Auf Filmstarts. Januar Full review at ScreenCrush. Yo, check this out! Assassin's Creed is the greatest adaptation of a video game put to the screen yet, and Aguilar could stomp Ezio's ass into the dirt.
And if you've played as many of the games as I have, you're bound to agree. It doubles as an accessible entry into the world of the series for those who have no clue what a "Templar" or "Hidden Blade" even are.
Is the dialogue great? Fuck no! But the Spanish is about as fluent as the English, and I learned to jive with the vibe of the film pretty quickly!
Is the acting fantastic? At times! We know that Fassy is going to be the…. For a film completely devoid of a soul it manages to scrape through because of its unwavering faith in its own convoluted and ridiculous premise.
The games are extremely cinematic, so it is rather ironic and not in the least frustrating that Kurzel and Co are intent on ignoring that for the better part of the film, focusing instead on a plot inhabited by characters so ripe with pathos they're ready to explode in a sea of pantomime dramatic expressions.
And even when they try emulate the game it is often good but never brilliant due to an unnecessary kinetic camera, often losing sense of space and direction.
I appreciate the fact that they tried to be different, but that should never win over trying to be good first. Mindless fight scene after mindless fight scene laced together with poorly adapted AC ideas.
This movie did not do the franchise justice. It wasn't bad but it wasn't good either. However it can't decide if it wants to be aimed at the Assassin's Creed fans or non-fans, so it falls flat for both camps.
This film is weird in a critical sense, part of me enjoys it, but the other part of me absolutely loathes it existence.
Completely forgettable and bland. The third act I have to say was quite enjoyable, I do have to say I do like the direction they took at the end.
A man named Callum Michael Fassbender is shown by a woman named Dr. Rikkin Marion Cotillard that he is related to an assassin named Aguilar, whom he takes the form of in the Animus.
Using the abilities he learned from being the assassin, he needs to fight the Knights Templar, led by Dr.
Rikkin's father Jeremy Irons. The best part of this movie is the credits, which are somehow fifteen minutes long.